You can't motorboat a personality
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
