just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every concussion has its silver lining
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
