either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
