A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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