That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
