Three words: puerto rican gang bang
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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