I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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