Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
