Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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