Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize