Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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