i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
