she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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