She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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