she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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