D3 body, D1 cock
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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