the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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