I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize