there's paper in my vomit.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
