dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
