i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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