question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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