Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
