If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
