But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
