if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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