If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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