i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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