I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
