HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
