you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
