Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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