see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
