also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
