Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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