I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
