the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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