Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
