I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
