WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
