Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
