i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
