I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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