He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize