sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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