We're like a lot better than the average bears
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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