I CAN MOONWALK!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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