Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hippo gnu deer
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
