how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude i'm inner monologue high
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
