I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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