What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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