5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
