We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
