guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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