You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
