Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
