It's Friday. Sex?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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