3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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