Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
