how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
