He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sorry about my life...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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