Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
