Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
