i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
