I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
