ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
