whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
