im having a threesome with these popsicles
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
