it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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