I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize