You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
