So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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