Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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