i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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