At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This toilet bowl is my home.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
