One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
