Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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