i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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