They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
