This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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