R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
