I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
