my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
