My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
