I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
