Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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