I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
