babies were throwing up all over the place
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
