R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
