you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
