I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
whose ass print is on the piano?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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