Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
