I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
