I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
