so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
